A brief conversation with my panic attack from this morning

The panic attack photo-bombs me

Paul: Oh, hello panic attack, haven’t seen you in awhile…

Panic Attack: I know, right!? I decided to pop-in!

Paul: You know how I feel about the pop-in…

Panic Attack: Yeah I’m sorry, but I decided that it had been so long…

Paul: Come to think of it, why are you here?

Panic Attack: You were planning on attending a business networking lunch, what, am I NOT going to stop by? Come on.

Paul: But I felt pretty good about it this morning…


Panic Attack: Sure you did! You were doing great managing your anxiety for the past few weeks. I got lonely!

Paul: But certainly you could have picked a better time…

Panic Attack: I don’t see how (and don’t call me Shirley)!

Paul: I said ‘certainly,’ not ‘surely.’

Panic Attack: Oh, sorry, I was busy increasing your heart rate and making you sweat, I wasn’t really paying close attention.

Paul: Well, no matter, I return to my point- you could have picked a better time. It’s no fun having to call and cancel right before something because you can’t attend on account of the heart beat and the flop sweat. You could have had the decency to do this earlier in the day so I wasn’t backing out at the last second.

Panic Attack: What kind of panic attack would I be if I gave you a warning or a heads up?

Paul: I see your point there.

Panic Attack: Also, not for anything, but you do have Clonidine you could have taken earlier this morning, knowing you had the meeting, that might have kept me at bay.

Paul: Yeah, but I’m not supposed to drive after taking the Clonidine, it makes me a little loopy.

Panic Attack: I can sympathize with that. But you didn’t seriously think that there wasn’t at least a chance of me showing up, seeing as you’d have to go to a place you haven’t been before and engage in chit-chat with people with whom you’re not entirely comfortable around?

Paul: Again, fair point, I suppose…

Panic Attack: I’ll tell you what, since you’ve had to call and cancel I’ll fade away by mid-afternoon.

Paul: Won’t that just leave me kicking myself for letting you in in the first place?

Panic Attack: OK, I’ll stay.

Paul:  No, don’t worry about it, just go. I’ll have to release the tension you leave behind somehow anyway.

Panic Attack: Why don’t you write a blog post about it?

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Erased, but not forgotten. A frenetic account of memories, events, and ruminations.


An honest look at living with bulimia.

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