Making a phone call saved me. Please know that if you are thinking of hurting or killing yourself there are people who want to help you. Sometimes a conversation with someone can help you refocus and step back from the edge.
Yesterday I broke down. My anxiety consumed me. I tried to use my copings skills – I went out, went to Michaels – bought some more canvas and paint to come home and paint. I couldn’t handle it though. “Hurt yourself.” “Cut yourself” “Hit yourself” “Break a bone” My brain kept wanting to find a way out of this feeling of extreme dread and torture that was going on.
The minute I got home I knew I couldn’t do what my brain was saying. I had done that before. I did that for two years and all it did was get me put in the hospital, in the ICU, the ER, and the psych hospital. I couldn’t go back to that. I cant go back to that. I am trying to stay in recovery. I am trying to get my life back and stay on track.
I called 211. …
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Paul's letters... 