Seeing things more clearly

Get it? One side is blurry and the other is clear? Eh? Eh? Yeah, you get it.
Get it? One side is blurry and the other is clear? Eh? Eh? Yeah, you get it.

Yes, I got glasses. I rather like the way they look on me but much more importantly, I love how clearly I can see with them. It’s funny, I really didn’t think my eyes were too bad and the erosion of my vision had happened so slowly and over a long enough period time that I had no idea how bad it was. But more recently I’ve found myself leaning forward or squinting to read street signs or make out details of faces at a distance. Then on Sunday I was struggling to make something out on the other side of a restaurant and failed miserably, while others at my table (all with glasses) could easily read it. So I scheduled an eye exam and yada yada yada I have glasses now. The difference is incredible- I had no idea what I was missing out on.

This morning I had an appointment with my therapist and she commented on the new look. I told her what a difference it was for me- really a new perspective on the world around. Then she made the comment you’ve probably seen coming since the beginning of this post- “Would you say the glasses could be a metaphor for how treatment has you looking at the world since March?”

Yes, I would, and yes, it’s probably a cliche, but it’s true. The my world looks very different today then it did in March when I was so depressed I wanted to quit being a part of it. Before when my depression and anxiety were getting out of hand, I’d get drunk. It temporarily made me, if not forget, set aside my problems for a few hours. It didn’t make them go away or address them in any meaningful way, and so the next day they’d still be there. Ignoring my mail until the post office had to tape a notice to my door meant I didn’t have to deal with my bills as they came in (instead, I got to panic and choose between paying the rent, my car insurance, my electric bill, etc.). Do you know what it’s like to have your insurance canceled because you don’t pay the premium or to go three days without power because you have to wait until your next paycheck in order to cover the minimum balance? I do. And I never want to see the world that way ever again. Depression and anxiety caused me to put off making decisions, and then when I was forced to have to make a decision I was usually stuck with bad options and not a lot of time to consider them.

Being sober and developing coping skills and mindfulness lets me look at my problems and my life in a new way, It helps me see the big picture more clearly. It helps me make decisions more rationally and address things before they turn into problems. In other words, it’s helping me see everything more clearly.

So yeah, it’s cliche, but it works.

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Erased, but not forgotten. A frenetic account of memories, events, and ruminations.


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