I had a panic attack today

  Not much to say about it. I’m feeling better now, out smoking a cigar. It was over a work issue that I don’t want to get into too much detail about here. Or that’s what triggered it. My anxiety issues run pretty deep, and even though I’ve made a tremendous amount of progress in managing it today seemed like a reminder that it’s always just right there, waiting for the right time to strike when I’ve let my guard down. It’s been awhile since I’ve needed a Klondike Bar (the nickname my sister gave the Clonidine). I may need to carry it with me for the next few days. But nearly as important as carrying it is recognizing that needing it is not a weakness. There are a number of tools at my disposal for managing the anxiety, from regular mindfulness meditation, taking quiet time for myself to work through issues (usually with a cigar) and being able to talk about it, either here on the blog or with someone, as I did today with my dad. Using those tools is a sign of strength, a reminder that I can manage the anxiety. The weakness is bottling it up or turning back to alcohol. Maybe weakness isn’t the right word. It’s the choice that won’t help me, but weakness has an air of judgment that I don’t want anyone who has made that choice to feel bad about. I’ve been there and it’s so hard to recognize at the time that it may not be a productive option. Anyway, I had a panic attack today. I’m trying to learn from it.

7 thoughts on “I had a panic attack today

  1. oledphatnuglee June 2, 2015 — 7:04 pm

    I read this hoping to gain a bit of insight into a friend who has panic attacks. It worked. Thank you for sharing.


    1. I’m glad to hear that- one of the reasons I started the blog was the hope that my experiences might help others who are struggling or know someone who is.


      1. oledphatnuglee June 2, 2015 — 7:09 pm

        I’ve known several people who suffer with panic attacks and the physical symptoms they have are scary and easy to confuse with a heart attack. You’re brave, most of them won’t talk about it at all later. They seem embarrassed?


      2. It can be both scary and embarrassing. I had mine at work and while my coworkers know about my issues I don’t like it when they see me breakdown. Feeling like you aren’t in control in the moment is a difficult thing to experience.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. oledphatnuglee June 2, 2015 — 8:09 pm

        I have had my share of embarrassing moments, I know I can only imagine what you go through and probably that is nothing like what it really is. (hugs) hang in there and I appreciate your courage in sharing.


  2. Anxiety teaches us in a very mean way to look after ourselves. I am learning to identify some of the “tells” and triggers like not sleeping well, tired, self talk, not exercising, etc. it’s not easy!!! I really like your perspective Paul. And as always, I am grateful for your blog. Keep well dear one.


    Liked by 1 person

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Erased, but not forgotten. A frenetic account of memories, events, and ruminations.


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