Today I had my annual appointment with my cardiologist for my heart condition. For some reason I was feeling very anxious about it this morning and didn’t sleep well last night I always carry the knowledge ’round the back of my mind that this might be the year that the repaired valve has gone to pot and I’ll need to have another surgery. I guess part of the anxiety is that it keeps getting put off but the specter of it hangs over each appointment. Every time I work out or play basketball or go hiking and find myself getting winded I think, is this it? Is this the time I need to call them and say “Something’s up…”
In case you’re wondering, another surgery could be a big deal. They are working on my heart after all. So this is one of those times where I think some anxiety is warranted.
Fortunately all’s well on the aortic front. For now. My heart “sounds good” and my ECG is unchanged from a year ago. In a case like mine, no news is good news. I can sleep well tonight in the knowledge that another surgery, while still in the cards at some point, isn’t waiting around the next corner.
Oh yeah, and we talked about me smoking the cigars (almost daily). The context of course for the smoking is that it’s a way to self-regulate and treat the anxiety, particularly as a sort of substitute for the alcohol. My cardiologist basically said that as long as I don’t inhale (and try to cut back), it’s much less of a health concern than my drinking habits were. So that’s something.