The date. Meh.

IMG_0237.JPGI went on my first date in awhile, the first since March. It was not terrible, but it wasn’t good either. I didn’t accidentally set her on fire, she didn’t reveal herself to be a racist or anything, it was just an awkward two hours between people with almost no chemistry. The thing is I’ve been simultaneously anticipating and dreading this all week. On the one hand, yay, good for me, this is a big step, and all that. On the other hand I’ve been worried about what, if anything, to reveal about my mental health issues, how to respond to certain questions that might lead to that topic, etc. turned out none of that mattered ( though maybe I should have brought it up so we’d have something to talk about). That’s probably not fair- it’s nobody’s fault that we didn’t click.

I was really hoping that it had gone more smoothly. I planned a date scenario that’s worked for me in the past- an afternoon at the zoo followed by coffee. The idea is that it’s a low pressure opportunity to walk around and chat. If conversation lags the animals are always something to comment on. It’s casual. She seemed very enthusiastic when I suggested it. It just wasn’t a good afternoon.

Look, I could have used a win in this department. My family and my friends are the best, but there’s a piece that’s missing. I’ve written about this and it continues to be something I think about. I think the lesson here is not to get overly excited or nervous about it. Just keep it up, right?

There’s a principle in improv that you keep saying “yes” to keep the momentum going forward. I need to keep saying yes to these opportunities and keep seeking them out.

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Erased, but not forgotten. A frenetic account of memories, events, and ruminations.


An honest look at living with bulimia.

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