Do I seem irritable? I’m trying to quit smoking and GAAAAAHHHHH!!!

quittingI’m doing something good for myself and it sucks. I’m trying to stop smoking, because, lets face it, it was a habit I picked up after I quit drinking. Replacement vice and all that. And it was good for awhile- I wrote about the good things about it, and I’ve shared my worries about the habit here. Well, no more beating around the bush- I am a smoker and I don’t want to be. I’m smoking at least a cigar a day, and not in the dashing playboy puff, but actively smoking. You aren’t supposed to inhale with a cigar (so you only risk mouth cancer) but I was smoking cigars like cigarettes, breathing in the rich aromatic smoke AND GODDAMNIT I WANT ONE RIGHT NOW.


Lost myself there for a second. Whew. OK, I’m back. So a large cigar (like my Romeo y Julieta Churchills) can have as much nicotine as an entire pack of cigarettes. So at two (sometimes three) cigars a day HOLY SHIT. Yes, that’s right, two or three a day. Don’t judge me. OK, judge me, because it’s a filthy habit. So basically as I’ve ramped up from a cigar once a week back in the spring to a few a day I’ve been taking in the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes a day for the last few months. I’m coughing a lot more, I notice my voice has some scratchiness to it that used to only come on when I’d have a cold, etc. Plus it’s like lighting money on fire that you’ll never see again. So I’ve decided I’m going to stop smoking. It’s not good for my health or for my wallet.

But I can tell you that it sucks. Go through the list of withdrawal symptoms and it’s basically check, check, check, check. The nausea caused me to throw up the other night and the headaches are just awful. Doesn’t seem to matter how much Advil I throw at it, it’s like someones working on the base of my skull with hand-drill. But it’s good. It’s good. Just need to power through.


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Erased, but not forgotten. A frenetic account of memories, events, and ruminations.


An honest look at living with bulimia.

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